This month: Lots more declarations of things I allegedly do, or things I should do... plus a bit of Borgesian doubling that harkens back to the days of "I have an extra one of you... I keep it out in the car for emergencies". And of course, the baldness. Always the baldness. Enjoy!
"There's only one button you can press... it's rewind... You can sit here and wait for a long time... you probably will. Sit here and count quarters... To put them in the laundry... You could finance your own campaign."
"Get that tweetable... all the news."
"There's two of you... You're the original, and the other one... I'm holding one of you in my hand, and the other one's on the ground. You're all doubled up."
Jen: "You should make your own kind of soap with all the different flakes."
Me: "Um... why should I do that?"
Jen: "Because that's what everybody does."
"Yeah. What is the thing about you?... All the furniture is green that's in here. It's a special house that you could live in... Yeah. You have your own train. That's the right one."
"You should find some trees... They'll help you grow your business... The trees would vote for you... If we ever move, then we'll live in a different city."
"You're here now. Now the party can start... Yeah. That's the story."
Jen: "Jingle Bells."
Me: "What about jingle bells?"
Jen: "I guess you'll have to see... 1, 2, 3. That's what you were doing. That's what you're all about."
"I was gonna say this was my hip decoration."
"It's you. That's all there is to say about you bald people... Yeah. You ride around on your mongoose."
"Do you like kitties behind their backs? How many of them are there, and how many want to snuggle you?... A plastic dinosaur."
"You still live here. You're on the right side of things... The place where all the bald people go hang out."
"That's what you get."
"You should get a window machine. It's going up and down, just like you are... Do you really live here?"
Jen: "You should have yourself made into a sticker."
Me: "Really? What kind of sticker?"
Jen: "Like a picture of any of your other ideas... it's just a whole different worldview."
And our grand prize winner this time around:
"You're the presumed front-runner."