Saturday, December 31, 2016

The 15 Best Things Jen Said In Her Sleep This Year

Whatever else it's been, 2016 has been a prolific year for Jen's subconscious ramblings. Here are the best of the best:

"There's two of you... You're the original, and the other one... I'm holding one of you in my hand, and the other one's on the ground. You're all doubled up."

Jen: “You have something.”
Me: “What do I have?”
Jen: “I asked you first.”

Jen: "You should make your own kind of soap with all the different flakes."
Me: "Um... why should I do that?"
Jen: "Because that's what everybody does."

"It's you. That's all there is to say about you bald people... Yeah. You ride around on your mongoose."

"Do you like kitties behind their backs? How many of them are there, and how many want to snuggle you?... A plastic dinosaur."

"You still live here. You're on the right side of things... The place where all the bald people go hang out."

Jen: "You should have yourself made into a sticker."
Me: "Really? What kind of sticker?"
Jen: "Like a picture of any of your other ideas... it's just a whole different worldview."

Jen: "You're like Mr. Fix It."
Me: "Really? Why's that?"
Jen: "I'm not sure why this or that question is asked of me."

"You've got a lot going on with the cat situation... The cats are probably running their own booth... They're having all the people talk about different stuff... Stuff that's not important except to another kitty."

"All of it makes a square... All of the different shapes that you make... It's what you've got going on. 'Cause you don't know anything about anything."

Jen: "Get you a snow cone."
Me: "Why?"
Jen: "Because you ordered that. It's not very substantial, but you could have it."

Jen: "Kitty walks to the store."
Me: "What does kitty buy at the store?"
Jen [indignantly]: "It buys the things it needs. It's not the same every time."

Jen: "We need to talk about your wingspan... none of the facts are accurate."
Me: "What exactly is it about my... wingspan that we need to discuss?"
Jen: "I'd rather not get into it. You're making this harder than it has to be."

Jen: "Can you write your first name... and your last name... on a piece of masking tape?"
Me: "Um... Sure, I guess. Why though?"
Jen: "We'll get to that." [rolls over, stops talking]

Jen: “You’re the only one.”
Me: “The only one what?”
Jen: ”The only one like you.”
Me: “Well, I’ll take that as a compliment.”
Jen: “It’s just biology, sweetie. It’s not that special.”

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